Pain King vs. Cleopatra/Transcript
and Ron run down an alley in their mission outfits, seemingly followed by a “mob” of muscular men Mob #1: Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Ron: They're getting closer, KP! Mob #1: Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Kim: into a side allay This way! Ron behind her Rufus: out of the pocket, first behind them, then ahead Ough! Woo-hoo! Look out! runs into trash cans, but does not fall Kim: behind a parked car Ron, over here! ... I think we lost 'em. sighs look through the car windows Kim: Hough the car, a dog jumps at the window and fiercely barks at them Ron: shocked Teeth and slobber! run on until a car stops in front of them, headlamps directed at them, and another mob gets out, shouting what seems to be another battle cry Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! Steal! ... Kim: Ron's hand] Come on! Ron: to open a door Argh! Argh! Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! Steal! ... Ron: We'll never make it. Kim: There's gotta be another way in. Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! ... Mob #1: up Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Mob #2: Steal! Steal! Steal! ... the mobs continue, Kim shoots her grappling hook to the roof Kim: Going up? holds fast and they go up Ron: Come on, Kim. We've gotta get inside. and falls off the roof Whohu, Waaah! jumps after him, secured by here grappling hook rope Ron: Waaaah! bounces off the ground, catches Ron mid-flight Mobs Pain! Pain! / Steal! Steal! and Ron fly through outlet into a vent pipe system Kim: Argh! Ooh! fall out of the vent system through a flap Both: Aaagh!! Uh! Kim: Uh! landed in the mall. In the background, banners announce a wrestling match - GWA wrestling wriot - starring Steel Toe and Pain King Kim: Next time we come to the mall, let's stick to the main entrance. Okay? (Intro) in the mall Kim: You know? I usually like to go home and change after a mission... Ron: No time for that, KP. Kim: Okay... Why? Ron: The first hundred fans not to be trampled get a free GWA tour t-shirt. Kim: GWA? Ron: How can you not know the Global Wrestling Association? It's only the most excellent sporting organization in the world. Steel Toe rules! Yeah! Mob #1 recognizable as happy fans Pain! Pain! Pain! ... Kim: All this just because some wrestlers are making a mall appearance? Ron: Not just some. Pain King and Steel Toe! Pain King's got a bionic eye - don't even think about looking into it, or you'll writhe on the floor in total pain. Kim: And I suppose Steel Toe actually has steel toes? Ron: Na, that's just a publicity gimmick. They're more like titanium, actually. A freak industrial accident. Rufus: Yeah! Kim: Riiiight... Jackie Oaks: from a podium on a stage Listen up, Middleton! Kim: Huh! Jackie Oaks: Hahahaha! Are you ready for action? cheers Jackie Oaks: Are you ready for head-bomping, chest-stomping, neck-breaking, ground-shaking confrontatiooon? cheers Ron: Yeah, baby. Kim: Is that Pain guy? Ron: Ha, hell no. That's Jackie Oaks, founder of the GWA. Jackie Oaks: Now here's a little secret: These two world-class athletes that I'm about to bring out... Crowd: Wooooh! Jackie Oaks: ... hate each other' guts! Hahaha, haha. cheers and applaudes Jackie Oaks: Heeeeere's Pain King... Part of crowd: Pain! Pain! Pain!... Jackie Oaks: ... and Steel Toooooeee! Part of crowd: Steel! Steel! Steel!... Crowd Steel! Steel!... / Pain! Pain!... Steel Toe: Ugh! Pain King: Arrr! Steel Toe: Ugh! Ron: Slap it, Steel! Beat the crap out of him! Kim: Okay. I'm in a mall and I'm not shopping. What's wrong with this picture? Ron: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wrestling is more than two guys beating on each other. It's also a war of words. Pain King: You're going down! Steel Toe: No! You're going down! Pain King: No, you're going down! Steel Toe: No! You're going down! Kim: Yeah, they're poets. Look, Club Banana's doing a tie-in with the museum's Cleopatra's Closet exhibit. That's where I'll be. Club Banana Kim: a table-full of cargo pants Hello, civilization! Monique: Oh, my gosh, how much do you love Cleo's cargoes? Kim: Way much. Kim and Monique: You'd look good in ... these in green Monique: Ji... Kim: Jinx, you owe me a soda! outside King Pain: It makes me sick to look at you, lead foot. Steel Toe: You will be so much sicker when I stomp you with cold, hard steel! King Pain: Let's go. Right here, right now. cheers Jackie Oaks: Not now, boys. Save it for Mayhem in Middleton. He-ha-ha-ha. Good seats still available, folks. Hah, hah, heheheh. Max Pain: You're going down! Steel toe Jackie Oaks: Oh, oh, stop there. break it up, there. Oh, ouh. brawl starts in the crowd, soon some guy whirls Ron around Ron: Aaaah! Aah! Aah! Club Banana's, at the checkout Monique: Do you belong to our Club Banana Club? Kim: Charter member. Monique: Kim's member card Kim Possible? I thought it was you! The stuff you do is so amazing. Kim: It's no big. But thanks. Monique: I'm Monique. Just moved here. Kim: Cool. Where do you go to school? Monique: Middleton High. Kim Me too! Monique: I start Monday. Kim You totally have to let me show you around. Monique: Deal! see what's happening... outside Ron: Woaaaahuh! ... Kim! Kim: See you at school! Kim to save Ron Excuse me! Pardon me! Jackie Oaks: Honey, that was some performance! You ever think about a career in professional wrestling? Kim: So not. Jackie Oaks: Hehe, I tell you what. Here's two tickets to "Mayhem in Middleton". Enjoy yourself on Jackie. Ron: These are backstage passes! You get to go backstage with backstage passes, where the backstage is. Kim: And hang out with some guy named Steel Cage? Ron: Uh, KP: Steel Toe is a guy, Steel Cage is, well, a cage. Kim: You take 'em. Ron: You can't just give them away. D'you know what these are worth? Realizes Okay, you can give 'em to me. Hey, let's go back to your house and watch wrestling so we get psych to watch wrestling! Kim: Not tonight. I'm going to the Cleopatra's Closet exhibit at the Middleton Art Museum. It's a special preview for Club Banana frequent buyers. Ron: You'd rather see some dead queen's clothes than watch Steel Toe's night of a hundred bruises with me? Kim: My answer would have to be: Hello, ja. See-ya! Ron: Damn it! Cleopatra. Like anybody is gonna remember her ten years from now. Tuh! at the museum Monique: Hey, Kim! Kim: Monique! I should've known you'd be here. Monique: Exclusive preview! The Queen's accessories! Girl, it is all good. I love your pants! Kim: And you, very Cleo! Museum guide: Good evening! If you'll follow me. It's my pleasure to welcome you to this special Club Banana preview of Cleopatra's Closet. the next room Museum gard: and gagged hmpf Museum guide: Darn! Kim: Call security and stay together! Kimmunicator Wade, trouble at the Middleton Museum. Can you tap the security cam? Wade: Tapping... run away Kim: What the heck!? door is slammed, Kim dashes after them the roof Kim: Hm. by some golden light coming from behind a cooling unit Huh! person surrounded by golden glow runs away, Kim follows Kim: You are so busted. the glower escapes a wrestling ring Pain King: Grrr Steel Toe Grrr ring is actually on TV, Ron, Rufus, and the Tweebs watch from the Sofa Ron: Whohoo! Toe's of Steel! Tim: Ooh, Pain King's down. Jim: Duh! Pain Kin never beats Steel Toe. Tim: Darn. Kim: Ron, you won't believe what happened tonight. Ron, Jim, Tim: Shhh! Steel Toe: the TV in the background Come on, little man, let's see what you've got! Pain King: from the TV You're going down! rings Kim: What's the sitch, Wade? Ron, Jim, Tim: Shhh! Kim: Sorry. Wade, go ahead. Wade: The only thing stolen from the museum was a small talisman. It was a gift to Cleopatra from a high priest of Anubis, the jackal-headed Egyptian deity of mummification. Kim: A mummy? Dang! I bet she would have rather had nice earrings. Wade: Don't be so sure! This talisman was supposedly enchanted. Kim: Oh, come on? Who would believe that? Wade: Maybe that glowing guy on the roof. Kim: Good point. What's it supposed to do? Wade: Super-human strength. Kim: Uh, great. Well, at least it's not immortality - I guess. Thanks, Wade. TV announcer: Chaos in Chicago will be right back. to black for commercial break Ron: So, how were the Queen's old clothes? Kim: I barely got to see them. Right after I hooked up with Monique, the museum was robbed by some glowing-headed animal guy. Ron: Oh, that's nice. Rufus: off Ron's shoulder Whaa! Ron: Wait a minute, who's Monique? Kim New friend, really great. Anyway, the thief stole an enchanted ancient talisman. Ron: Whoa, whoa, back up! How can I not know about a new friend? Kim: I met her at Club Banana, then again at the museum before I chased the glowing robber. Ron: So what's she like? Kim: The robber? Ron: The friend, Kim, the "new friend". Kim: Ron, focus. There's a glowing guy running around Middleton with some kind of supernatural powers. Ron: Okay, okay. Why don't we hit Bueno Nacho and you fill me in? Rufus: Hmm! Kim: No, thanks. Monique and I stopped for smoothies on the way home. Rufus: gasps Bueno Nacho Ron: Smoothies! Since when does Kim drink smoothies? Rufus: Hmm, smoothies... into Nachos, munches Ron: Seein' a pattern here, Rufus: Kim does her thing, I do my thing, and pretty soon - we're doing different things. Rufus: munches Oh, ooh. Ron: Maybe I'm just blowing this whole Monique thing out of proportion. I bet tomorrow everything's back to normal. Rufus: M-hm, m-hm. morning. Ron rings at the Possible house, Mrs Dr Possible opens Ron: Good morning, Mrs Dr Possible, is Kim ready for school? Rufus: Hi! Mrs Dr Possible: You missed her, Ron. I think she said something about meeting Monique. Ron: Monique? Rufus: shrieks Mrs Dr Possible: Oh, and I'll be late for my cranial bypass. Say hi to your folks! Rufus: sighs Darn. cafeteria Kim: ... and then once I was saving this desert prince from some stupid death squad and the back of my skirt was totally caught in my underwear - the whole time! Monique: No way! Kim: I could have died. And he almost did. Ron: Hello, ladies! Kim Ron! What are you doing here? Ron: Can I dine with my best friend and her new friend? Kim: Uuh, Ron, Monique, and vice versa. Ron: Bearclaw? Monique: No, thanks, ha-ha, I'm vegetarian. Ron: Uhm, I'm pretty sure it's imitation bear. Kim: She's joking, Ron. Ron: Good one, hahaha, ha, good one. So, did Kim tell you that I'm her sidekick? Cause that role is definitely taken by me. Monique: Riiiight. Well, in... you know I better get to class. Later, Kim. Um, n-nice meeting you, Ron. Ron: Likewise, I'm sure! Kim: What is your problem? You're acting really weird. Ron: Well, let's see. You went to the museum with Monique, not me. Monique was with you this morning, not me. Hmm, pattern? Kim: Yeah. You. Weird. Ron: No, we're drifting apart because you're excluding me. Kim: I am not excluding you. It's just that you and Monique are... different. Ron: Oh, now you're gonna tell me that sometimes growing up means growing apart. I've heard it before, Kim. Billy Bullwicky, second grade. Kim: You are so blowing this out of proportion. Ron: Okay, maybe I am. Ooh, don't forget: Mayhem in Middleton tonight! Kim: Those tickets are for you. I kind of already made plans with, uh, Monique. Ron: I blame the smoothies. Here, Jackie gave these to you. Kim: And I gave them to you. Ron: And I'm giving them back to you... except this one, but only because it will be the highlight of my life. Kim: Ron... sighs the evening, Middleton Arena, locker room Pain King: So, you're taking a vacation this year? Steel Toe: Ha, yeah, we wanna head right to a cottage in Martha's Vinyard. You know, it'll be nice get some chance to relax for wife and kids. Pain King: Sounds charming. at the door Pain King: I hate your guts! Steel Toe: I'm taking you down, slime! Oaks enters Pain King: Oh, hi, Jackie. Steel Toe: Phew! Man, hoo, I thought you were a reporter or something. Jackie Oaks: Ha-ha, no, no. Ey, listen, eh. What do you guys think about me getting into the ring with yoos tonight, eh? Pain King and Steel Toe: laugh Pain King: Come on, Jackie, be reasonable! Steel Toe: Yeah, I don't mean to sell you short. Jackie Oaks: How very funny. Ve-very funny, yeah. Steel Too: S-sorry, man, I didn't mean it like that. Jackie Oaks: Dang! Pain King: Stick to promoting, Jack, hehehe. That's what you're good at. the corridor Jackie Oaks: the talisman in his hand This is all gonna change... to-night. Hehehehehehe, hehehehehehe. audience gathers at the wrestling ring Guy#1 and guy#2: seats in first row and high-five Yeah! Ron: Hey! Nice seats. Guy#1: Yeaheah, definitely. Ron: But not as nice as mine: backstage, baby! entrance Guard: grunts Ron: Huuh! Guard: and open curtain Ron Gotta see my man Steel Toe. Man being interviewed: Oh no really, golf is a contact sport if you think about it. It could be something really fabulous... Ron: It's Steel Toe and Pain King so close I could touch them! Or not, cause I'm cool. Yo, Steel Toe, whassup, Pain? I touched Steel Toe! Rufus: Who-hoa! Me too. Steel Toe: Your gerbil's totally bald, man. Ron: Yeah, thank you. Can I have an autograph? Could you make it, um, "To Ron"? Pain King: Uuh, sure. Let me get a pen. Yo, Jackie? Steel Toe: Yeah, where is that guy? I need my sunglasses. Pronto. Ron: I'll get them. Can I, please, please? Please? Steel Toe: Sure, kid. They're in my dressing room. Ron: gasp-shrieks Jackie Oaks: Let me see if I got everything now, ach, righty? Open toe sandals - check, yeah. Ooh, talisman, mmh, glowing - that is nice, huh? Mhm, alright. And... my ancient papyrus which I shall now begin to read from. Eh. Reads Anubis, Protector of the Tomb, Your time is Now, The time of DOOM! laughter and he turns into the Jackal Rufus: and hides in Ron's pocket Ron: You know what? I'll just come back later. The Jackal growls Ron: Whaaah... Uh! Rufus Yiiek? from pocket to under a napkin, trembles Ron: You wanna be left alone? I'm down with that. The Jackal: Tonight the world will see the fearful power of the Jackal! Ron: I've seen! I believe! The Jackal: as he throws Ron Ron: Waaaaah! into Steel Toe Audience: and cheers Pain King: What are you doing? Ron: Huh, there's a problem. Him. a cafe Monique: Not enough froth in your latte? Kim: No, uh, I'm just feeling guilty. I kind of blew off Ron to be here tonight. Monique: Why didn't you bring him along? Kim: Unless someone put a waiter in a headlock, this is definitely not Ron's scene. Besides, he had a date with "Steel Toe". Monique: He scored tickets to Mayhem in Middleton? The GWA rocks! Kim: What? Monique: Pretty tacky, I know, but my brother hooked me up. Pain King's my boy! Kim: I can't believe you and Ron have something in common. beeps Kim: What up, Wade? Wade: More on the talisman: If the holder recites an incantation from an ancient text, the spirit of Anubis could actually possess him. Kim: Sounds bad. So we better find that ancient text. Wade: Too late. Somebody already found it. Some masked guy stole it from the University in Chicago. Kim: Do you have access to the police report? makes the report - marked "confidential" - appear on the Kimmunicator Kim: Hm, the thief was super-short. And the GWA was in Chicago before Middleton. I'm sorry, Monique, I keep running out on you. the wrestling Jackal: Arharrr! Pain King: Who is this guy? Steel Toe: Man, beats me... Ron: It's Jackie. He's got supernatural powers! Pain King: Jackie Oaks? Jackal: You all've said I was too small and get in the ring. Hu-he-ha-har! Here I am. You still think I'm too small? and lifts the two wrestlers cheers Guy #1: This Jackal's awesome. Ron: You made your point, Jackie. Put them down! Jackal: I am no longer Jackie. I am now the Jackal! Ron: Ough! Guy #1: Whohoa! Kim: Excuse me, pardon me, hehe, 'xcuse me, uhm, just gonna... squeeze through here...nggh, out of my way! Ron: First I lose my best friend, now professional wrestling. Everything is ruined. Kim: You didn't lose your best friend. Ron: KP? Kim: And don't worry, we're gonna save this... this... Would you call it a sport? Ron: The most excellent one ever. Kim: Let's take him down. Ron: I'd tag-team with you any day, KP. Kim: This will be easy. Jackal growls and throws the wrestlers into the ropes, they bounce back against each other Pain King, Steel Toe: Ugh! Guy #1: (squit he)??? Jackal: I'll take on all challengers, no holes barred. Right match, right here, right now. Come on! boos, The Jackal destroy a "We love Pain King" and a "Steel Toe" banner, then creates a whirlwind Guy #1: Awesome rocking effects, bro! Kim: Prepare to be body-slammered, Jackal! Ron: That's "body-slammed". Better let me do it. Hngnggg, uh, eeeeh Kim: Ron! Ron: Heeuh. You go. Kim: Why don't you try without the talisman? Jackal: Who wanna go try and make me? I am all powerful! Kim: Ouch! No, duh! Ron: Kim! Kim: You distract him. I'll go for the talisman. Ron: Distraction, solid. Steel Toe's number one! Jackal who? Jackal who? Steel Toe's number one! That's right, you heard me, ol' demon Jackal: growls Kim: Oheh, Gaah! Jackal: From now on, the world will bow down to me! Kim: As long as he has this talisman on, this guy can't be stopped. jumps out of the ring, the audience flee Kim: Ron, you keep the Jackal busy. Ron: I did that already, and I have the rope-burns to show for it. Kim: It doesn't have to be for long. Get them to help! Pain King, Steel Toe: Oh, Oooh. Ron: You gotta keep the Jackal busy! Pain King, Steel Toe: Let's get it on! growls, victims scream Pain King: Let's see what you've got! Ron: Raahaa... Hi! ... Ron: One chance, buddy! Rufus: Uh, uh, uh-huh. Ngyangyangyang ... Ngyanguh! Kim: Got you, Rufus! Jackal: Change(???), no, Nooooo! turns back into Jackie Oaks Pain King, Steel Toe: Grrrr Jackie Oaks: Hehe. I say, be reasonable. Pain King: Jackie, you're going down! Jackie Oaks: Hoooahh cheers Guy #1: Dude, that's the most best awesome, most totally rippin' show I've ever seen. Guy #2: Eh, no way, man. That ol' Jackal thing was totally fake. Bueno Nacho Monique: You know, I still can't believe you met Pain King and Steel Toe. Ron: I can't believe you're into wrestling. Kim: I can't believe I know either one of you. Monique: Enough talk! In the immortal words of Pain King: You're going down! Ron: Au contraire, it is you who'll be going down. Monique: First one to drip is a loser. Ron: Better get your bib, baby. Monique: So wrong. Kim: Hrrm Rufus: Wohoa.. Go! Kim: I think this is the beginning of a very weird friendship.